Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
