Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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