Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
