it was like his penis was on wheels.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
