why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
