I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's just like the Real World with babies
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
