does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
