i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
