idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
