You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
