I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
