you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
