dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
