you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize