I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
