I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize