Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
