Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
