yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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