Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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