Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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