Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
