Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
