The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
