Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
