I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
