i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
