We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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