Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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