it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My cat gives me a boner
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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