she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
only you would photoshop your dick
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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