I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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