I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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