five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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