You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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