My first STD was from a foam party
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
