they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
