You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
