We're like a lot better than the average bears
my vag is so smooth its legendary
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
