this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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