So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize