So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
even my farts smell like vagina
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
