I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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