??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how does that bad decision feel?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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