i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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