He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
