you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My first STD was from a foam party
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
