I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My bed smells like the plague
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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