I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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