i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
