im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
