OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
