never play flip cup with pint glasses
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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