Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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