I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
