i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you had me at cake vodka
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize