apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
