all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
