sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
