my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
