I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
