im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize