I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there's paper in my vomit.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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