Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
