I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
