Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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