Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
