She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
