dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We had to coat check the pizza.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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