How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
